30 before 30 update

Since I recently celebrated my 28th birthday, I thought I should check in on my goals. Actually, I haven't thought much consciously about them this past year, so I'm happy to see I accomplished some of them anyway. 3 years might be a little long for goals to hold my attention. :)

Completed goals are in bold, and in progress goals are in italics.
 
Education
1. Get my master's degree
2. Earn a graduate teacher certificate
3. Take at least two Spanish classes
4. Begin studying two other languages (Started Italian)

Hobbies
5. Learn to sew
6. Create a card stockpile (I did this last summer, but then I depleted it. I need to keep it going.)
7. Start a successful container garden
8. Take piano lessons

Finances
9. Save 10% down for a house
10. Increase retirement savings to 10% of our income per month (I'm up to about 5% from nothing.)
11. Increase percent saved on groceries each month to 40% (I was doing really well on this for a while, but it's kind of gone by the wayside. I need to get back on track.)
12. Get life insurance for both Darby and me (We've reeeally got to do this, now that baby's on the way.)

Travel
13. Go to Italy
14. Visit 3 new states (We went to Iowa for a wedding, and I went to Nevada for my Vegas trip.)
15. Go camping

Cooking
16. Learn how to cook steak (This was easier than I thought. The secret: buy a good steak. :) Who knew?)
17. Take a cake decorating class (This was kind of a flop.)
18. Completely replace 3 storebought staples with homemade versions (I've replaced salsa, and I'm working on chicken broth.)
19. Whittle "to try" recipes to under 100 (I feel like this is one step forward and two steps back sometimes.)

Health
20. Switch to antibiotic-free animal products (I've switched to organic milk and eggs, and I'm working on beef. I'll post more about this sometime.)
21. Maintain my goal weight (except, see 23 below)
22. Take four different fitness classes (I did KickFit, yoga, strength, and RIPPED.)

Family
23. Have a baby (I'm working on it!)
24. Go on a trip with my sister (We're going to New York in August!)

Spiritual
25. Create two new units for the Cradle Roll class (Well, I don't teach Cradle Roll anymore, so I don't think this is going to happen.)
26. Teach an older children/adult Bible class (Well, we tried...)
27. Read 18 spiritual books.

Friendship
28. Plan/attend three Fat Tuesday reunions (I've done one big one and one smaller one.)
29. Plan/attend at least two reunions with my high school friends (We did one last September and are doing another this September!)
30. Start/join a book club

Sharing the News

So, as most of you know by now, I'm pregnant! I'm 14 weeks along, and Baby H is scheduled to join our family around Dec. 18. We decided not to share the news publicly until after my first ultrasound at 12 weeks. We spilled the beans early to our immediate families and some close friends, but, of course, I couldn't post about it at the time. Now that the news is out, I thought I'd go back and post a little bit about those first few weeks, mainly for my benefit when I'm looking back.

I found out I was pregnant on April 10. We were very excited, but, since it wasn't a surprise, our reactions weren't anything like what I had imagined based off of TV and movies. Imagine that, real life is different from TV. :) We didn't tell anyone for another month, and that month was difficult for me. I've heard people say before that they really enjoyed the time when only they and their husband knew about the pregnancy; it was like a fun little secret for them. Not so for me. I was dying to share the news with others. It was weird having the biggest thing going on in my life be a complete secret. The hardest person to keep it from was my mom. I dreaded talking to her on the phone because I just wanted to blurt it out. Luckily, she and my dad went on a two-week vacation during this time, so we were out of communication much of the time.

We wanted to wait until about 10 weeks or so to tell our families, but my parents came up for graduation at 8 weeks, and I just didn't think I could keep it a secret from them in person. So, we decided to go ahead and tell. My mom's birthday was right before graduation. She collects Willow Tree angels, so I got her the "Grandmother" one. As soon as she and Dad got to the house, I had her open her gift. She got what it was right away, and her reaction was very sweet. Dad had no clue there was anything special about the gift, so he was like, "What's going on? Ohhhh..."

We tried to call Darby's parents the next day, but they were too busy having fun in Austin to take our call. :) So, we told them on Mother's Day---appropriate, I think. A few days later, we received our first congratulations card from them. That made it seem even more real.

At the end of May, my brother and sister both went to my parents' house to celebrate several May birthdays. I decided that would be the perfect opportunity to tell them. I sent them each a gift. It was a pound of coffee with a little tag attached that said "Baby H is brewing. Coming December 2013." I was afraid they would be suspicious when they got the gifts, since it wasn't Matt's birthday. But my mom played it off really well, and they were totally surprised. Dad captured their reactions on video, which is priceless. The coffee happened to be called the "Jean-Pierre" blend, so "JP" became the baby's nickname.

 

After everything looked good on our ultrasound, we shared the news with our extended family and friends, then made it "facebook official." It's been wonderful to share our excitement with others, and everyone has been very sweet and supportive. Little JP is going to have wonderful grandparents, aunts, and uncles, and lots of friends.  

Catching Up

So, I'm really losing my motivation to blog, as I guess is obvious from my sporadic posting lately. I guess part of it is that I've been doing very little in the past three weeks since graduation. I had a nice long break between the end of the semester and the beginning of my summer teaching job (this week). And, don't get me wrong, I was thankful for it. But I just do not do well without a routine. In general, I'm a pretty self-motivated person, but when I have long stretches of free time, I end up not doing much of anything. It's strange. I did manage to get all my winter clothes put away (and my puffy coat donated---won't be needing that any more!). And I sold a Total Gym that I had gotten for free from a friend who was moving four years ago. Pure profit. It had never been reassembled, of course. :) I've also made it to level 84 on Candy Crush, so that's a pretty big accomplishment. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT get started on that game unless you want it to take over your life.

Here's a few pictures from the last 6 weeks or so to kind of play catch up.

We had a Korean sushi/karaoke bachelorette party for Mica, who got married over Memorial Day weekend (yay!).

I put together a "mocktail" bar, which was a lot of fun.

The bride-to-be was a little skeptical of the underwear Cassandra bedazzled for her. They say "Mrs. Mebane." Hee-hee.

Me, Ester, and Mica at our department's awards ceremony. This was the third time I've attended, and I could have recited the program from memory.

Kristen, Jin, and Me

Mom and Dad got me an iPad for graduation. I LOVE it!

I finally graduated! Now, we're just looking forward to Darby's defense on July 12.

Eshet chayil - woman of valor

Last year, I read Rachel Held Evans' book A Year of Biblical Womanhood, in which she attempted to follow all of the Bible's commands for women for a year. The point was to show how much Christians pick and choose when deciding what constitutes "Biblical" womanhood. One of the most meaningful parts of the book for me is when Rachel discusses the Proverbs 31 chapter,  a description of "the wife of noble character." She talks about how this passage has long been used in evangelical circles as a kind of checklist for a good wife. As such, it is daunting (she rises before dawn, stays up past everyone else, sews the household's clothes, etc., etc.). But, in talking with an Orthodox Jewish friend, Rachel found out that the chapter is actually a song of praise for what a woman has already done. On the Sabbath, Jewish men sing the first line to their wives. Rachel began adopting the phrase "Eshet chayil" as an expression of praise for women and hosted a series on her blog for people to praise the women of valor in their lives.

Since that time, I've been thinking about that phrase, and today, on Mother's Day, I wanted to talk about my own eshet chayil - my mom. She is a woman of valor for so many reasons. Here are just a few:

She has never given the impression that motherhood is a burden. If any of us kids need her, she is there in a heartbeat, with no guilt trips, no sighs, no hesitations. When I was "stressed" in college, she drove out to Abilene in a huge thunderstorm to do my laundry to help me get ready for a trip. (I put stressed in quotes because I now realize that wasn't truly stress. I'm sure my mom knew that at the time, but she always took my feelings seriously.) When I was young, I just figured that's how moms were. But now that I'm older, I've seen a lot of people who can't count on their moms the way I can on mine. I hope I don't take that for granted anymore.

She took care of three of my grandparents in their last days, sitting with them at the hospital, driving them to doctor's appointments, running errands, etc. And I never heard her complain about it. That was a very powerful example for me. 

She treats Darby like her own child. Sometimes we tease her that she loves Darby more than me, but, seriously, it means so much to me that she loves him.

She has cut the apron strings gracefully. I was a little concerned with how she would handle an empty nest, since she's always been a stay-at-home mom, but she's just as wonderful a mom of adult children as she was a mom of small children. She lets me make my own decisions and doesn't pry or give unsolicited advice. Because of that, I feel like I can talk to her about anything, and we're closer now that we were when I was at home.

She is open-minded and willing to listen. Recently, Darby and I have talked a lot with both of my parents about issues in the church. Some of the topics we talk about are things that, 5 years ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of talking with my mom about. But, I underestimated her. She's a great example to me of someone who quietly does what she believes is right and doesn't feel the need to convert everyone to her way of thinking. 

The older I get, the more appreciative I am of the example my mom has been for me. She has truly put her heart and soul into her chosen vocation (motherhood), and that makes her a woman of valor. Eshet chayil!

Unexpected

When we left Abilene 5 years ago, I was sad to leave our friends and our wonderful church, but I wasn't sad to leave the town. It was small, ugly, and boring. We were on to bigger and better things. Fast forward a few years, and Abilene seemed like heaven on earth. Amazing how your perspective can change. Until about 3 months ago, we didn't think moving back to Abilene was an option for us in the near term. Then, suddenly, it was the most likely option and then (quickly, but it felt like forever), it was a reality. I never thought I'd be giddy with excitement over returning to West Texas, but there I was literally jumping up and down when Darby called to tell me he got the job. We're thrilled to be going back to the school that we love in a city where we already have so many friends (and my brother!) and only a 3-hour drive from our parents. I know it won't be all rosy (the lack of ESL job opportunities is already a little disheartening), but I hope that when I'm tempted to complain about the lack of good restaurants or the dust or the lack of trees, I hope I remember the extreme excitement that caused me to tell Darby: "I feel like I can never be sad again!" (I have already proven that false, but the sentiment was sweet, I think.)

March Books

East of Eden by John Steinbeck
This fat book has been on my shelf forever. I loved Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice and Men, but it always seemed like such a commitment to start this one. Finally, I decided I'd rather go ahead and read it, then have to lug it with us when we move. It took a while, but it was definitely a worthwhile read. As the title suggests, this epic family drama about a father and his twin sons in California during the early 1900s has a lot of Biblical allusions. Drawing from the stories of Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, the prophet Samuel, etc., it's a story about people's free will and ability to turn away from evil. It drags in places, but the story overall is quite gripping.

Midnight in Austenland by Shannon Hale
I love Hale's young adult books and had read and enjoyed Austenland a few years ago, so decided to give this one a try. This story about a recent divorcee who gets caught up in a murder mystery during a Jane Austen period re-enactment vacation was pretty silly but good fun all the same. I think Hale is poking a bit of fun at the Austen fan-fiction genre in general, so the book doesn't take itself too seriously.

As Always, Julia: The Letters of Julia Child and Avis DeVoto, edited by Joan Reardon
When Julia Child was living in France, she wrote a fan letter to an author in Cambridge, MA. His wife responded, and a lifelong friendship was born. It was so neat to see the deep friendship between Avis and Julia develop solely through letters. Both women were whip-smart, and their letters are hilarious and insightful. And it's interesting to read about Avis's huge part in getting Mastering the Art of French Cooking published. While some of the details about politics in the 1950s were a bit tedious to read, overall the letters are entertaining and inspiring. I now have gotten my friend Mica to agree to be my pen pal after we graduate. Perhaps our letters will be turned into a book someday, too. :)

Young Adult Books
Monster by Walter Dean Myers
This fictional story of a teenage boy who is imprisoned and put on trial after becoming entangled in an armed robbery is eye-opening. Although it is fiction, it is not a stretch to assume that similar situations happen every day. The boy struggles to retain his humanity while in prison. He tells the story of his trial in the form of a screenplay, which allows him to see himself the way others see him. A gripping, sad story.

A Monster Calls (inspired by an idea from Siobhan Dowd) by Patrick Ness, illustrated by Jim Kay
Siobhan Dowd had the idea for this story but wasn't able to write it before she died, so she asked Patrick Ness to finish it. A teenaged British boy begins being visited by a monster at night when his mom, who has cancer, takes a turn for the worse. The monster says he will tell the boy three stories, and then the boy must tell his secret nightmare. The book interestingly explores the ways we interpret stories and calls into question what is truth. A definite tear-jerker (I bawled for about 30 minutes after finishing it) but a worthwhile read.

Learning to Pray

I grew up in a church tradition that eschews liturgy. The actual reasons for this philosophy are many, but the main argument I always heard growing up (not from my parents, more from other church members) was that liturgy is bad because it causes people to "just go through the motions." When you recite certain prayers or Scriptures at appointed times, it becomes empty. It's better to pray in your own words "from your heart."

This always struck me as a bit hypocritical, seeing as we had no problem singing songs written by others. It seemed to me that "going through the motions" could happen no matter what worship style you ascribed to. And, in fact, many of the prayers I heard Sunday after Sunday sounded rather, well, scripted. People used the same phrases over and over again. If I ever prayed in public (which was somewhat rare, given my gender) or even in front of close friends or family, I felt the need to utilize these phrases and style.

As I've gotten older, my ideas regarding the purpose of prayer have changed. I struggle a lot with the questions of what I should be praying for, why God will answer one prayer and not another, and what tone I should have in prayer (reverent? familiar?). I still don't have answers to my questions, but I do know that the prayers I grew up hearing and saying don't fit with my newer conceptions of the purpose of prayer. When I pray, the old words come out, and they sound so false to me now. So I've found myself slowly distancing myself from prayer. I can't seem to pray in a way that's authentic to me, so I just don't pray. I really don't like this, because I do feel like prayer is an important spiritual discipline and that we don't have to understand it completely to practice it. It's mystical nature is part of its very design, I'm sure.

Wanting to redevelop the discipline, I decided to ask for a book for Christmas, The Divine Hours: Prayers for Springtime, edited by Phyllis Tickle. This book is based on the early Christian and monastic tradition of praying set prayers at various times of the day. Each day has texts for the morning, midday, vespers (evening), and compline (just before bed) offices. The texts include Psalms, other readings from both the Old and New Testament, and prayers (most from The Book of Common Prayer, but some from other sources).

I decided to start slowly and only observe one office per day (whichever was most convenient that day). If I am at home at other times, I try to do more than one, but I figured if I started out with all 4, I'd just give up. I've been using the book since February, and I've really enjoyed it. It's nice for me to have some structure to my prayer time. And I really appreciate the beauty of the prayers. It seems strange to me that we will readily admit that some people are better teachers, singers, writers, etc., than others. But we don't consider that some people might be better prayers. I enjoy praying the prayers of others who are able to express what I'm thinking in a more eloquent way. And, surprisingly, I've found that I'm more likely to pray spontaneously on my own now. I really do feel like this practice is re-teaching me how to pray.

One of my goals for myself personally and for my future family is that we would observe traditions related to the church calendar. I find it meaningful to know that I am participating in something that has been practiced by Christians for centuries and is currently being practiced by Christians all over the world. I have been following my book's special section for Holy Week, and I've felt that this has been one of the most meaningful Easters I've ever celebrated. I attended a Good Friday service for the first time, and I was really moved by the symbolism and history behind it. I feel like, as a person who really loves structure, tradition, and routine, liturgy is hugely helpful for my spiritual life.

Here are some of my favorite prayers from the book:

(each morning) Lord God, almighty and everlasting Father, you have brought me in safety to this new day: Preserve me with your mighty power, that I may not fall into sin, nor be overcome by adversity; and in all I do direct me to the fulfilling of your purpose; through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen. 

(at bedtime) Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake. Amen. 

Heavenly Father, in you I live and move and have my being: I humbly pray you so to guide me and govern me by your Holy Spirit, that in all cares and occupations of my life I may not forget you, but may remember that I am ever walking in your sight; through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.

The Gloria: Glory be to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, so it is now and so it shall ever be, world without end. Alleluia. Amen. (I can't really explain why this prayer moves me so much. I just find it incredibly beautiful.)

Our last big snow (I hope)

According to the news, we got 11.5 inches of snow last night. Quite a shock after spending five 70-degree days in Texas. I'm sooo ready for spring, but I must admit it's pretty. Classes were cancelled, but I don't have any classes on Mondays, so it's just a regular day for me. I'm grateful I don't have to get out in it until this afternoon. I'm also extremely grateful to Darby for spending an hour shoveling our driveway and sidewalk this morning. If I had had to do it, I'd probably still be out there!

Maybe should have brought the patio furniture in for the winter. Oops!

Waiting

Remember how I was all proud of myself for being so patient about this whole job search thing? Well, yeah, that's out the window. :) As our expected moving date creeps closer, it's getting harder and harder to be ok with not knowing where we're going. Due to a coincidental convergence of events, it seems like much of my life is waiting now. And I'm getting tired of it!

Two Sundays ago, the sermon at our church was all about taking advantage of where you are now and not wishing your life away. This is something I have always struggled with, especially in the last two years or so. I do want to enjoy the present moment, and there are a lot of good things about my life right now, but it's so hard not to wish I were on to the next phase. Have any of you struggled with this? How do you live in the present while still making plans for the future? What do you do to distract yourself while you're waiting?

January/February Books

I didn't read very much in January and got kind of behind on my posting, so I decided to combine January and February's books into one post.


The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan
This was another book I downloaded to Kindle and then forgot what it was about before beginning to read it. Turns out, it's a memoir of a young mother who is diagnosed with breast cancer. Perhaps not the best choice to read at this time of my life, but it was so good that it made the difficulty worth it. Primarily, the book focuses on the author's relationship with her father, who is also battling cancer. "The middle place" refers to that stage in life when you are an adult and have children of your own to take care of but you still feel like you need your parents to take care of you. It was touching and hilarious, and the family dynamics were very relatable. Highly recommend.

A Single Thread by Marie Bostwick
This was a sweet, if somewhat trite, book about a woman who begins a new life in New England after her divorce. She opens a quilt shop and befriends a group of women who help her as she gets treatment for breast cancer (surprise! it's everywhere...sigh), and, in the meantime, work out their own problems. While the friendships between the women were touching, the book was a bit to predictable and preachy.


Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan
This was the third and final of the free Francis Chan books. As with the other two, I was a bit underwhelmed. I guess I'm just not a Francis Chan fan. I did like one point he made about how people get caught up figuring out "God's will" for their life in terms of the next 10 years, when usually we need to think about God's will for our life in terms of the present moment. 

The Search for Major Plagge: The Nazi Who Saved Jews by Michael Good
This was the fascinating true story of the author's search for the Nazi officer who was in charge of his mother's Lithuanian work camp and who his mother and others credited with saving their lives. I didn't know a lot about this particular part of WWII history and it was fascinating. As usual, I was so impressed by the tenacity of those in the labor camps. This book also brings up a good point about what it means to be a hero. Does one have to give up everything, including his or her life? Or can relatively small actions, but ones that others are too afraid to do, really make a difference?
 
Life from Scratch by Melissa Ford
This novel about a blogger who finds herself through cooking was an enjoyable read. But, the fact that it was fiction and not memoir made me like it less than Julie and Julia, which it seemed partly modeled on.

I'm taking a class on children's literature this semester that requires a lot of reading. I've really enjoyed being introduced to quality children's literature. I won't share all of the picturebooks I read, but I will share the young adult books. 

Saving Sky by Diane Stanley
This was a thought-provoking story set in an America in which the terrorist attacks continued after 9/11, and anti-Arab sentiment reached levels comparable to anti-Japanese sentiment during WWII. A young girl and her family choose to help one of her classmates. 

Honeybee by Naomi Shihab Nye
This was a great collection of poems and short prose. Honestly, it seemed just as appropriate for adults as children. I was first introduced to Nye's work at ACU. One of my professors really admired her, and she even came to do a reading on campus. She is hilarious and scathing (often at the same time) and eloquently captures the experience of growing up Arab-American in Texas (she's from San Antonio).

Tasting the Sky: A Palestinian Childhood by Ibtisam Barakat
I absolutely loved this memoir of a girl who was 4 years old when she and her family were forced to flee their home when Israel occupied the West Bank. It was a great window into the Palestinian experience, of which I was virtually clueless. Highly recommend.

Anya's Ghost by Vera Brosgol
This was my first graphic novel, and it was easier to follow than I anticipated. It was a darkly funny story about a teenage girl who is haunted by the ghost of a girl who died 90 years earlier. Despite the somewhat strange premise, it's basically a story about the teenage tension between being true to yourself and fitting in. I'm a little too far removed from high school angst (thank goodness!) to be totally captivated by the story, but it was a fun little read.

Fat Tuesday reunion

Last weekend, I flew down to Abilene for a long-awaited Fat Tuesday reunion. Although I've seen most of these girls fairly recently, this was the first time we have all been together since the summer of 2011. I got in on Friday morning and was able to spend some extra time with Kalyn and BJ and their two kiddos and Em and Lily. Lydia was in a much happier mood than when I first met her at Christmas, so I held and held and held her. Such a sweet little thing! And little Lily just gets sweeter by the day. Before she went to bed on Friday night, she came to each of us individually and said, "Good night, Miss ______" and gave us a hug. She is wise beyond her 3 years and cracks us up with her insightful comments. Shepherd is talking up a storm, and although I can only understand about 50% of what he says, his impish smile communicates a lot.

Em tried valiantly to get a good picture of me and Lydia to no avail. So, here's what I've got. Lydia likes to nuzzle. :)

Teacher Carolyn displaying her "toddler whisperer" skills with Lily and Shep.

Lily showing off her cheesy smile while reading with Britt.

Saturday was full of memories. Britt and I started out the day with a walk around campus, just like the semester we took "Walking for Fitness" together. Then we got donuts from AM Donuts, which was where Darby and I went every Sunday before church. Saturday afternoon, we went to Sing Song, the annual variety show and singing competition. It brought back so many fun memories. Mainly, I remember everyone getting so stressed about Sing Song. How I wish that was the biggest concern in my life now. :) In general, I tend to think that the best is yet to come in my life; however, if I could go back to one time in my life, it would be my time at ACU. Yes, there were stresses, but overall, I had very little to worry about. I wasn't concerned about budgeting, so I ate out and went to Target whenever I wanted. After the show, Britt, Erin, Carolyn, and I went back to our freshman dorm to visit one of Brittany's friends. Oh the memories! Even though I was happy when we were able to move off-campus, it's hard to beat having all of your friends live in the same building. These girls made my 4 years at ACU awesome, and I'm so thankful that we're still a part of each others' lives.

The whole crew. We just keep adding to our number. Shepherd was content running around inside, so we didn't force him to be in the picture.

Cake decorating school dropout

Wow. It's been a while! Things have been super busy lately. I'm planning on catching up with several posts soon.

One of the things I've been bogged down with is making tons and tons of nasty frosting. In order to cross off one of the items on my 30 before 30 list, and because I have a baking friend who was willing to do it with me, I decided to take the Wilton beginner's cake decorating course at Michael's. Well, it was pretty much a big flop. The amount of prep before each lesson is insane, and you have to buy all sorts of Wilton products. And, as it turns out, the secret to making a pretty cake is basically to have it taste like plastic. The Wilton frosting recipe is, I kid you not, shortening, water, powdered sugar, and imitation vanilla. I tried it one week with butter, which was definitely tastier, but it wasn't nearly as smooth as everyone else's (and it was super yellow, which I don't mind, but the teacher found hilarious). So, this past week I made the gross stuff (although I used real vanilla), and it looked better, but who wants to eat that? It tastes like oily sugar. So after the lesson, I was in a really bad mood because I got overwhelmed in class by the million bags of frosting and decorating tips I was trying to maneuver, plus I had several cupcakes I didn't want to eat, and a bunch of leftover synthetic frosting.

Needless to say, I was relieved the next day when Mica tentatively voiced here desire to just skip the last lesson. Neither one of us could stomach the thought of making a whole cake that was just going to go to waste. It's not a total loss, as I think I can recreate some of the decorations with the tools I now own and my own frosting. But I'll do it on my own time. No need to add cake decorating to the list of things stressing me out right now, right?

Mica showing off her star decorating skills the first week. It was all downhill from there.

We could choose whatever we wanted to put on our cake, so of course I chose Hello Kitty! It looks much better from this angle than it did close up.

Super Bowl

I hosted the second-annual MATESL Super Bowl party this year. Just like last year, it was mainly an excuse to eat tons of yummy food. I honestly had no preference about which team won, but I was rooting for the 49ers at the end, just because it was so exciting.

I made baked spinach dip mini bread bowls, pizza dip, Hawaiian roll sandwiches, and homemade Butterfingers. I was skeptical about the homemade Butterfingers, which I had seen on Pinterest, but they were so crazy I just had to try them. They only have 3 ingredients: candy corn, peanut butter, and chocolate candy coating. I had a really hard time getting my candy corn to melt and I was afraid they would be inedible, but they actually turned out well and pretty similar to a Butterfinger except more peanut buttery. Everyone else brought so many other yummy things, and I ate waaaayyy too much. Parties with lots of snack foods are my absolute diet downfall. I try to tell myself that I don't have to eat everything just because it's there. But the little voice in my head says: "Hurry! Eat it alll. If you skip one dish, that might end up being the best one!" The little voice always wins.

The food table. Yum!

Mica's Texas sheet cake. It was delicious!

Mica and me. My goodness I'm pale.

Ester and Marcia

My newest obsession

A couple of months ago, I mentioned to Darby that I would like to start drinking tea. I thought it would be a nice alternative to soda or coffee, so I could enjoy an afternoon pick-me-up cheaply and guilt-free. For Christmas, Darby got me a variety pack of Starbucks Tazo teas in my stocking, and I LOVE them. I've been drinking tea several times a week since then. One thing I love about tea is that there are so many different varieties, but it's a little overwhelming. So, more experienced tea drinkers out there, which brands/varieties do you like? I prefer citrusy and fruity teas, but I really haven't tried a kind I don't like yet, so I'm open to suggestions.

The afterthought compliment

When I was young, I was super jealous of my sister Hannah's red hair. This was not helped any by my experiences when we were out and about together. As my mom tells it, when she would have both of us with her at the store, strangers would come up and fawn all over Hannah, saying, "Oh my goodness. How pretty. Look at her beautiful hair." etc. Then, they would glance over at me and say "Oh and she's pretty, too," before returning all of their attention to Hannah. We laugh about that quite often now.

Well, the afterthought compliment returned to haunt me yesterday. But I was surprised who I was compared to this time. Darby and I have been visiting a new church, and yesterday we sat by an older woman during the service. During the "stand and greet" time, she and Darby talked for a little while. As we were leaving, she and I had this conversation:

Her: Your husband is sooo handsome.
Me: I agree.
Her: You're a lucky woman.
Me: (Awkward laughter.) Yeah.
Her: I mean, you're a pretty girl, but really, he is so handsome. 
Me: (Death glare --- well, I felt like it; I think I played it cool, though.)

I mean, c'mon people! It'd be better not to give a compliment at all! I'm used to old women complimenting my husband; they love him. And, I agree, he is quite handsome. But I'm not used to being made to feel like I snagged someone waaaayyy out of my league. What do you think? Am I letting my childhood insecurities affect me too much now? :)

On not looking for a job

Last year, when Darby first started the job-search process, I had a little bit of a breakdown. It was not pretty and I'm ashamed of some of the things I said, but I think my general feeling was justified. I realized for the first time that where we end up, both now and in the future, will pretty much always be determined by Darby's job. This is based on the reality of our situation, not some idea that the man's job is the most important and the wife should tag along. Darby is super-supportive of me and wants me to be successful in whatever I choose. But, facts are facts. He has spent years and a lot of hard work training in a very particular sub-field of engineering. Contrary to popular belief, Ph.D. engineering jobs, especially in specific research areas, are not widely available. ESL teaching jobs, however, are. It does not make sense for us to move somewhere for my job without him having a job. The chances of him being able to find an appropriate job in the same city as my job are much lower than the reverse situation, and, practically, we know he will almost surely make more money than I will, so we definitely need his job to be secure.

I thought that I had understood all of this for years, but it just became real to me a few months ago. I realized that I won't ever have the opportunity to apply for all sorts of jobs in all different places. If a great opportunity opens up for me in another city, it probably won't make sense for us to move so I can take it. I think, for the first time, I started mourning those missed opportunities.

However, now that graduation is becoming more imminent, I'm beginning to see the bright side of my situation. I'm holding off job searching until we have a somewhat more definite idea of where Darby will get a job (or at least have it narrowed down to 2 or 3 places). I don't want to waste energy applying for jobs that I might not even be able to take. And, let's face it, job-hunting sucks, so being able to put it off guilt-free is a nice feeling. I think this is one reason I've been able to feel so unworried about our future; there's literally nothing I can do about it. Darby, on the other hand, feels a lot of (self-imposed) pressure to find a job quickly.

I still sometimes feel sad about my situation. Often, I wish that I had been more concerned about my future career plans and set more goals when I was in undergrad. But, had I done that, I don't think I would have settled on ESL teaching, which I love, so it's difficult to say I would change things.

I definitely don't want to make it seem like I'm sacrificing my dreams or goals for Darby. We've both made sacrifices. He certainly would be looking at jobs in a much broader geographical region were it not for my intense desire to return to Texas. Sometimes the best decision for the two of us is not the best decision for either one of us individually. That makes decisions a little more difficult at times, but it's definitely worth it to go through life side by side with him. 

December Books

Girl in Hyacinth Blue by Susan Vreeland
This story traces the history of a fictional Vermeer painting, beginning in the present day and going back to the painting's origins. Because of the title and subject, I thought this was a companion to Girl with a Pearl Earring, but it is actually a completely different author. The stories of the painting's various owners are intriguing, and it's interesting to see how their lives intersect. I also enjoyed reading about Holland, as I'm not very familiar with its history.

A Life in Stitches: Knitting My Way Through Love, Loss, and Laughter by Rachael Herron
Since I started knitting this year, I couldn't resist when this memoir was offered as the Kindle Daily Deal. It's a sweet, simple book, and the stories about how the knitting community supports one another are heartwarming. It definitely made me depressed about my knitting skills, though; the things she describes knitting are crazy hard!

All He Ever Wanted by Anita Shreve
I don't know how Shreve does it, but every single one of her books is such a page-turner. This one takes place in the early 1900s and explores a man's ill-fated obsession with his secretive wife. It starts out a little slow, but by about 1/3 of the way through, I couldn't put it down.  

Working by Studs Terkel
I've been working on this huge book since September, reading just one or two short sections each night before bed. It's a collection of interviews of people from all different professions --- from a prostitute to a banker to a union leader. The people basically just talk about what they do and how they feel about it, but it's really quite fascinating. This was written in the 1970s; I'd love to see something similar done today. A worthwhile read, even though it's quite a commitment.

I've enjoyed tracking what I read this year. I think I'll keep it up indefinitely. I have a poor memory for book and movie plots, so it's nice to have a reminder I can look back at. And the simple exercise of summarizing a book helps cement it in my mind.

And since I love lists, I thought it'd be fun to do a miniature "best of" list for my 2012 books. You're welcome. :)

Best Memoir
Evolving in Monkey Town by Rachel Held Evans

Best Fiction
The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell

Best Food Book
The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of 4 Meals by Michael Pollan

Best Series
"The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins

Best "Gimmick" Book
7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker

2012 Wrap-Up

Well, 2012 was certainly an eventful year. It was full of a lot of ups: Darby passed his prelim, we celebrated our 5th anniversary in Italy, we went on several trips with old and new friends. But there were a lot of downs, too: good friends moved, we left our church, Darby received some discouraging medical news, and we've watched some family members go through very hard times. Overall, I'm not too sad to leave 2012 behind me. Of course, I know that 2013 will bring its share of hard times. But I'm very excited for the post-school phase of our life to start. In the past, uncertainty has made me very nervous, but I feel like I'm much better at handling it now. I'm really not nervous about where we'll end up in 8 months---just excited to see what happens. We'll see if this calmness lasts as the time gets closer, though. :)

In addition to my 30 before 30 goals, I decided to make one general resolution for 2013. I want to work on being a better listener. This encompasses several things for me: not tuning out when Darby talks about science, stopping what I'm doing when someone wants to talk to me (instead of pretending I can read something online and listen at the same time), not thinking about what I want to say when others are talking, and being more selective about when and how I give my opinion. I've always kind of excused myself by saying, "Well, I'm just not a good listener." But I realized there's no reason I can't improve in that area. I'm hopeful that I'll have made some real improvement by the end of the year.

Christmas fun

Darby and I officially started our Christmas break a week ago, and, as usual, it has flown by. I always mean to post about each stage of our trip as it happens, but then I don't have Internet access or am too busy with family. So, I'll just hit some of the highlights.

As our gift to each other Darby and I ate dinner at Bacaro (which was on my Illinois Bucket List). It was super expensive but worth it for a special occasion. Darby tried something new this year and made me fudge for my stocking. It was delicious!

 We met Darby's parents in Branson on our way down and stayed in a cute little villa they had rented. We saw two shows, one of which involved a pianist/soprano/violinist/aerialist (all one person, talk about a Renaissance woman). It was great to just relax after the craziness of the end of the semester.

On the riverboat cruise

Then, we spent time in Wynne and Searcy, Arkansas, with Darby's mom's family. Darby's cousins are all about the same age, and it's always fun to catch up with them. His cousin Allison and her husband, Joey, have recently finished restoring their old house, and we were some of their first guests.

After that, it was on to Dallas where we were able to see Grandma, Aunt Katina, Aunt Lea, frousins Amy, Matthew, and Rob, and little frousin Samuel. We actually had a white Christmas, which was quite a surprise. Our car (which we just paid a lot of money to fix) broke down and had to be left at my grandma's. So, I rode with Hannah on a very treacherous icy ride back to Waco. We saw, I am not exaggerating, no fewer than 6 wrecks. One car had even run into the fire truck that had come to the scene for another wreck! Ice in Texas is a major problem. The one bright spot to the long drive home was that it gave me enough time to finish the scarf I was knitting for Hannah's Christmas present.

Matt, me, Darby, Rob, Hannah. Grandma went crazy this year and decided we could open presents on Christmas Eve.

Little Sammy. He was not thrilled that I was holding him.

Traditional girl frousin picture.

We woke up on the 26th to open presents with my parents and siblings. It's been a few years since we've opened gifts in our pjs, and it was a lot of fun. Then it was on to Darby's parents house to see his brother and sister-in-law and open even more gifts.

Showing off our new boots and matching coats. Hannah bought her coat when she went shopping on Black Friday with my mom. They bought me one to surprise me with at Christmas. I love it!

We will be in Texas for 5 more days. I'm looking forward to seeing even more family and friends, playing more games, and eating more totally unhealthy food. Hope your Christmas was a good one!

2012 Ornaments

One of my favorite parts of Christmas is putting up the tree. We have a very eclectic collection of ornaments, and I love remembering the story behind each one. As I've done in previous years, I thought I'd share some of the new ornaments we got this year.

Hannah started a tradition of giving all of us ornaments each year. Last year, she did a Mario Kart theme, since we all like to play together. My character is Baby Peach, but she wasn't available, so Princess Peach is a good stand-in. Isn't she cute?

I got this one when we went to Wisconsin with Darby's parents this summer.

Darby's mom gets us an ornament every year. Believe it or not, we didn't have a Texas ornament, so she found us this one on eBay. Hopefully next year we'll be unpacking our Texas ornament in Texas.

Darby put these adorable little mittens in my stocking last year. He knew I would think they were cute. And now that I knit, they're even more appropriate! Maybe by next year, I'll be up to making mittens.

One of my primary objectives in Italy was finding Christmas ornaments. I got this one in Florence. It shows my favorite view.

And I got this glass one in Venice. I was amazed it didn't break after being stuffed into my carry-on bag.

Our tree will never be magazine-worthy, but that's the way I like it. I love that each of our ornaments is meaningful. And I have so much fun searching for ornaments on all of our trips.